Is Collaborative Law Worth the Cost? (4/22/13)
Dick Price
For people facing divorce, a common question is whether Collaborative cases are "cheaper than litigation". While there is no way to compare a specific Collaborative case to an abstract idea of a litigated case, we can say that Collaborative Law will avoid a lot of the expense involved in litigation.

Collaboration (4/12/13)
Joe Markowitz
There was talk around the ABA Dispute Resolution Conference this week that the demand for mediation services may be declining. If that's true, does that mean that mediation is falling out of favor, just as arbitration has somewhat fallen out of favor? Or is it a reflection of the economy and the decline in demand for dispute resolution services in general?

Empowered Victims & Moral Perpetrators: A Needs-Based Model of Reconciliation (3/29/13)
Christine Webb
At a recent workshop at Leiden University on Obstacles and Catalysts for Peaceful Behavior, Nurit Shnabel presented exciting research distinguishing the needs of victims and perpetrators in interpersonal and intergroup conflicts. According to Shnabel and colleagues’ Needs-Based Model of Reconciliation, victims of conflict experience a psychological loss of status and honor, thus undermining their identities as powerful actors. Perpetrators, on the other hand, experience a psychological loss of social acceptance, thus threatening their identities as moral actors.

How to Start a Collaborative Divorce (1/25/13)
Dick Price
Since Collaborative Law is still relatively new, many people may feel unsure about how to start the process. It's actually very simple.

A Mediator’s Wish List (1/11/13)
Phyllis Pollack
Somehow, several years ago, I got on the mailing list for The Indian Arbitrator which is the “News Magazine of the Indian Institute of Arbitration and Mediation.” Its articles do not focus solely on developments in India but actually on things occurring throughout the world.

Tips for Better Communication During a Divorce (1/04/13)
Dick Price
In any divorce, things get heated occasionally (or more often). In Collaborative divorces, the parties can still feel considerable stress. It is an emotional experience. Sometimes, parties will react emotionally, in anger, and that is regrettable. Here are some quick tips to help maintain a constructive relationship between the parties.

Year-End Wrap Up: Are We There Yet? (12/27/12)
F. Peter Phillips
Some of us have been at the task of providing alternatives to business litigation for fifteen years. Some have been at it much, much longer. Stepping back from the fray for a moment, one might well ask: Are we any closer to where we want to go? What is the current state of the profession of business mediation, arbitration and negotiation?

How Does Collaborative Law Work? (12/21/12)
Dick Price
This is the third in a series of stories about how Collaborative Law actually works in a divorce case. These cases are not real cases. The facts and stories are expanded and modified from real issues faced by families going through a Collaborative divorce.

Turning Conflict into Collaboration (11/30/12)
Tammy Lenski
I’m addressing a group of municipal leaders and employees about turning conflict into collaboration. Here are a few of the ideas I’m going to share with them.

Remembering Roger Fisher (9/14/12)
Joel Lee
Many will remember 25 August 2012 as the day Neil Armstrong passed away. Neil Armstrong was a hero and an inspiration to many. He was of course the first man to walk on the moon and his achievement was symbolic to many of being able to do what was till that point not possible.

Why You Shouldn't Negotiate with Your Spouse (8/27/12)
Dick Price
As a Collaborative case progresses, one or both of the parties often want to "save time" or "save money" by negotiating directly with their spouse, outside of the joint Collaborative meetings. That's usually a bad idea from my experience.

How to “Divorce Proof” Your Marriage (8/20/12)
Andra Brosh
Criticisms are hard to shake; they echo in the mind and tend to become negative self-talk. On the other hand, most people have a tough time actually hearing compliments. Make a habit of complementing your spouse at least once a day. At first he or she might find the practice unusual or strange, but soon it will become a natural part of a loving and nurturing routine.

Reading Into Things (7/17/12)
Cinnie Noble
It’s not a straightforward exercise to figure out from where and how our assumptions come to us. Life experience, family, friends, teachers, observations, gossip, others’ tales, and a wide range of variables have an impact on our thinking. How we interpret peoples’ words, actions, behaviours, attitudes, etc. leads us to act and react in ways that are based on our assumptions – not necessarily on what is actually intended. Conflict can easily arise from erroneous perceptions and misinterpretations. Unexplored attributions are antithetical to any effort to master conflict responses.

Grumpiness And Sharing A Meal (7/17/12)
Phyllis Pollack
During one of my early meditation training classes, the teacher suggested that we set out food in the conference rooms during the mediation for at least two reasons. The first is that it provides an indication of how anxious/nervous/relaxed is each party. People do not tend to reach for food when they are anxious/nervous; only after they have calmed down/relaxed a bit, do they allow themselves to take a Danish. The second and more important reason is to allow the parties to keep up their blood – sugar levels and fight off grumpiness. People make bad decisions when they are gru

Getting Past the Awkward Stage (7/16/12)
Vivian Scott
If you’re trying to build better relationships on the job (paid or volunteer) look for ways to create cross-departmental work groups. Even if there are no work projects to focus on, there are always opportunities to create task forces on building safety, employee morale, or even the holiday committee. Offer up help without looking too eager wherever and whenever you can.

Emotions are not a Fixed Commodity (7/16/12)
Diane Cohen
I recently shared a personal experience with a friend. The details are not important. Her response upon hearing my story was to register outrage at someone’s behavior, on my behalf. I explained that I did not feel outrage, that I understood the perspective of the other person, and that I was able to move on from it without anger. She continued to insist, however, that what the other person had done was “wrong”, and seemed to imply that I should feel outrage: and that I was doing myself an injustice, or perhaps being made a fool of, by not feeling it.

A Sure-fire Way to Reduce Conflict in Your Life (7/16/12)
Tammy Lenski
I’d answer the knock on the door. Standing there would be a giant New York State Police officer. Next to him, looking chastened, would be my 4' 10? Scottish grandmother, who lived with us. She was in her mid-80s at the time.

Want to Understand Power Better? A New Book from Neuroscientist Ian Robertson may help (7/09/12)
Stephanie West Allen
Power and money both act on the brain's reward system, which if over-stimulated for long periods develops appetites that are difficult to satisfy, just as is the case for drug addiction. We call these appetites greed and greedy people are never satisfied. That is the challenge for politicians and regulators.

Top 10 Ways to Become a Better Negotiator (7/09/12)
Tammy Lenski
What are the best things you can do every day to become a better negotiator? I’m asked this question so often, and teach this so frequently in workshops, that I’ve now made a poster for you. Maybe you want to negotiate better for yourself at work. Maybe you want to negotiate better with your loved ones. Maybe you help others negotiate better and would like a handout to share with them.

Open the Door to Peace instead of Conflict (7/02/12)
Lorraine Segal
The most difficult conflicts in my life have generally come from trying to impose my will on reality, particularly when I’m trying to control other people. When I have expectations of how life should be, how others should communicate and behave, or how events should unfold, and then try to make it happen, I rarely get the result I want.

Give us a Break: Mediation Marathon or Some Conflict Calm? Another Case for Mindful Reflection (7/02/12)
Stephanie West Allen
As each day passes, the pace of life seems to accelerate – demands on productivity continue ever upward and there is hardly ever a moment when we aren’t, in some way, in touch with our family, friends, or coworkers. While moments for reflection may be hard to come by, a new article suggests that the long-lost art of introspection —even daydreaming — may be an increasingly valuable part of life.

Since I heal people, I might as well be a heart surgeon. (6/25/12)
Clare Fowler
One thing that I have noticed from watching Fairly Legal is that Kate Reed is so effective at her job, not just because the skills come naturally to her, but also because she is very comfortable with the process. She doesn't have to waste time thinking about when to consult an expert, what constitutes as legal advice, what is a break of confidentiality, what is an enforceable agreement, and what are the parties real interests. This shows me that she has years of training and practice which, combined with her natural skills, have created a very effective (albeit slightly wacky) mediator.

Mediation May be the Solution to Guarantee the Long Term Positive Impact of Beautiful Moments (6/25/12)
Andrea Maia
Looking beyond the short term, the fun, and the parties, large international sports events are an opportunity for the host country to improve the life of its citizens on a permanent basis.

5 Ways to Listen Without Your Thoughts (6/25/12)
Jason Dykstra
Sometimes it’s easier to describe something by showing what it is not. Like this quote for example. It perfectly describes what I call Thoughtless Listening, but we’ll talk more about that in a second. Listening is not talking, thinking about talking, thinking about what you’re going to say, not waiting your turn to speak…I think you get the point. We need to Stop…which conveniently is our “S” in our Listening series.

Co-Parenting Skills: Credit Where Credit is Due (6/25/12)
Nancy Hudgins
I conducted a divorce mediation recently where the parties have been separated for many years but now have started the divorce process by coming to mediation. They have been co-parenting their children during the separation. We have worked through most of the issues involved and are very close to resolution. What was to be the last session turned out to be the next-to-last session.

Naughty or Nice Meter (6/18/12)
Vivian Scott
Santa has mad skills when it comes to deciding who’s naughty or nice, but I’ve been wondering lately how the rest of us determine such things. After listening to loads of people both in and out of conflict situations, I’ve come to the conclusion that what we do is collect lots of information and then funnel the bits into an internal meter. The device considers everything we know (and some things we don’t know) and then the arrow points in one direction or the other. Some of the criteria we consider actually aren’t very nice on our part, but that’s beside the point.

According to this Protocol, Empathy can be Taught (6/18/12)
Stephanie West Allen
Resident physicians' participation in a brief training program designed to increase empathy with their patients produced significant improvement in how patients perceived their interactions with the residents. This contrasts with several studies showing that empathy with patients usually drops during medical school and residency training. The report from a team of Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH) researchers will appear in the Journal of General Internal Medicine and has been released online.

Multiple Interests, Multiple Stakeholders, Lives on the Line (6/11/12)
F. Peter Phillips
This blog has noted, over the years, the challenges of multiparty negotiations. It has also brought readers’ attention to the challenges of hostage negotiation. This next paper from a New York Law School student combines the two in a horrific melange of self-interest, terror and human lives.

Co-Parenting Skills: Credit Where Credit is Due (6/11/12)
Nancy Hudgins
I conducted a divorce mediation recently where the parties have been separated for many years but now have started the divorce process by coming to mediation. They have been co-parenting their children during the separation. We have worked through most of the issues involved and are very close to resolution. What was to be the last session turned out to be the next-to-last session.

Mediation Preparation: Selecting the Mediator (6/04/12)
Nancy Hudgins
It only takes 40 hours of training to become a mediator, and if you’re a judge, you get a bye. Mediators have different skill sets and varying degrees of conflict resolution training. Think about your case, your client, opposing counsel and the other side’s client before you select a mediator.

The Secret to Listening (6/04/12)
Jason Dykstra
Think back for a second over the best conversations you’ve ever had with people. Now think of your conversations that you’ve had today, or even this week. You have three types of conversations now in your mind; 1. Really Good, 2. Mediocre, 3. Terrible. Sound about right? Now what’s the difference between these conversations?

Mediation Evolution (5/29/12)
Richard Weiler
Even though commercial mediation is well established in Canada and particularly in the province of Ontario where I live and work, it’s clear that evolution continues with many vested interests in where that evolution will take us.

AudioBlog: Talking to the Enemy (5/21/12)
Joe Markowitz
I heard an amazing interview on the The World radio program today, with a young American Army commander, Captain Michael Kolton, who decided to reach out and forge a relationship with one of the Taliban commanders that his unit was fighting in Afghanistan.

Poor Behavior 12: Lack of Openness or Honesty (5/21/12)
Vivian Scott
When people don’t know what’s happening they often get a movie going in their head that helps them explain the situation. The film versions they conjure up are rarely romantic comedies; rather, most resemble horror movies with terrible endings. A lack of honesty or openness at work can put everyone’s mental movie-making skills to the test.

The Courage to Listen in Conflicts (5/21/12)
Lorraine Segal
“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”—Winston Churchill. What does it take to sit down and listen to someone we disagree with, instead of dismissing them as the enemy or turning to violence?

Good Magicians are Masters at Attention Choreography: So are Good Mediators (5/21/12)
Stephanie West Allen
Why are neuroscientists interested in the skills of magicians? Because magicians have long known traits and states of the brain that brain scientists are just now learning. Why am I so interested in what magicians do to so masterfully simulate magic? Because they know the value of paying attention to attention, a critical skill in the my approach to conflict resolution.

10 Questions from New England ACR (5/21/12)
Tammy Lenski
Editor, NE-ACR Past President, and all-around fab mediator Louisa Williams has put together another gotta-read edition of the newsletter. It includes a review of Thinking, Fast and Slow by Danial Kahneman, whose early work lit me on fire while I was working on my doctoral dissertation in the early 90s. I enjoyed Kahneman’s new book tremendously and am still working to digest all that was in it.

What Women's Initiatives Need (5/21/12)
Victoria Pynchon
It’s not at all surprising that most women’s initiatives at most AmLaw200 law firms have been dismal failures. They failed because they lack buy-in; are often unfunded; and, no one takes them seriously.

So you Need to Mediate, HELP! Now what? (5/14/12)
Patricia Porter
We all have conflict in our lives, some disputes are more explosive and destructive than others. Maybe it is a long-term conflict with your neighbor over the property line, or a parenting plan has gone awry between you and your ex-spouse, or your business partners don't like how the business is run or being run down. In each of these potential scenarios, parties are stuck in a cycle of destruction and contribute to the escalation of the dispute. YOU need help. You have heard about mediation and think it might be worth getting help before things get completely out of control.

Mediating the Four Meanings in a Message (5/14/12)
Nadja Alexander
It is often said that listening is one of a mediator’s core skills. At the same time the parties’ ability to listen to each other is equally important. Where parties’ communication has broken down to such an extent that they are unable to really hear what each other is saying, mediators can step in and assist them to listen more effectively.

The Best Interests of Children: Negotiating in the Shadow of the Law (4/30/12)
Susanna Jani
Today, it is my privilege to publish a post about what is undoubtedly the single most important consideration for separating parents — including when they are participating in family mediation.

Beyond the Numbers: the Client, the Court, and Dispute Resolution (4/30/12)
Diane J. Levin
He was a widower and a grandfather. He arrived at the mediation with his attorney and one of his adult daughters for moral support.

Poor Behavior 10: Being Uncomfortable with Change (4/23/12)
Vivian Scott
Change almost always brings fear. When a shift from the normal is announced, many employees can become hyper anxious as they wonder what creepy crawly things await them. Others rage. And, then there are those who hide from any change by sticking their head so deep in the sand they begin to suffocate. Most employees do a little of each of these actions that are examples of the tenth of a dozen behaviors that cause conflict in the workplace.

Ten Common Negotiation Mistakes (4/23/12)
Nancy Hudgins
Harvard Business School professors Deepak Malhotra and Max Bazerman wrote one of my favorite negotiation books: Negotiation Genius. There are many powerful negotiation strategies in this book. They also point out seven common mistakes that negotiators make.

Check the Status, Please (4/23/12)
Jeffrey Krivis
This story is for you if it’s difficult to tell who the decision makers are on your cases. You are looking for different approaches to influence your adversary. You need to adapt to changing events in order to maximize your client’s settlement.

Complexity Matters (4/17/12)
Roi Ben-Yehuda
Conflict resolution practitioners would do well in thinking of practices and techniques for increasing people’s awareness of their own identity complexity. Some promising work on identity-based training has been done in this regard, but the practical potential of this research has yet to be fully realized.

Mediation Lawyering – the New Legal Specialisation (4/17/12)
Nadja Alexander
It is a fact of life that lawyers will be involved in many mediations, particularly where they involve litigation matters. Despite initial reluctance to embrace mediation, the tide is turning as Sabine Walsh explains in her posting, Of Turkeys and Christmas – The Role of Lawyers in Mediation. A specialised form of legal practice is developing, known variously as mediation lawyering, mediation advocacy or mediation representation.

When Conflict Comes Home: Homeowner Association Turns Into Mafia-like Protection Racket (4/09/12)
Lee Jay Berman
In Hawaii, a Molokai couple won a $3.9 million verdict against their Homeowners’ Association (HOA) and individual defendants when the Maui jury found that they had been subjected to bullying, threats, harassment and intimidation from their own HOA Board members and others in the complex.

Poor Behavior 9: Rescuing (4/02/12)
Vivian Scott
Do you work with someone whose shortcomings tug at your heart strings? Taking on the role of caregiver every now and then isn’t a bad thing; like helping a new employee find his way or mentoring someone who has an interest in learning from you. Nor is it wrong to help someone become more efficient or stretch their skills; no matter your position in the org chart.

Order Or Chaos – What Is Your Preference? (4/02/12)
Bill Marsh
I recently came across a new word – new to me, at least, which was irritating because I pride myself on having a pretty good vocabulary. The word is “Chaordic”. To quote Wikipedia, “The portmanteau chaordic refers to a system of governance that blends characteristics of chaos and order”.

First Impressions & Thin Slices (3/26/12)
Jeff Thompson
If first impressions are so important in a variety of interactions and professions, what role could it play in mediation sessions? These first impressions are based on, and often are accurate yet done subconsciously, nonverbal communication cues and elements. Consider: Did you shake hands of both of the parties when you first met them?

Conflict Resolution on Pinterest (3/26/12)
Colin Rule
“Last week another photographer posted a question on Facebook asking if it was okay to pin your own work on Pinterest. I was surprised to see that many of the photographers who commented back admonished those who pin their own work and even cited Pinterest’s suggested rules of etiquette, which apparently discourage self-promotion. That same day, I participated in a thread on Facebook in which some other photographers were complaining about people posting their work on Facebook pages without the photographers’ permission."

Poor Behavior 7: Rushing in to Fix Things (3/19/12)
Vivian Scott
Rushing in with a super-hero cape and special powers to fix whatever is ailing a project could result in the wrong problem being fixed while the real issue is tied to the railroad tracks with a steam engine barreling in its direction.

Using Experience to Break an Impasse (3/19/12)
Jason Dykstra
I get to see this almost daily. I sit down with people who have very opposing stories and differing views on both of them witnessing the same event. You have your version of the story. They have their version of the story. I piece together my own version of the story. Then there is the actual story of what happened.

Assumptions (3/05/12)
Phyllis Pollack
As a mediator, I am trained not to assume, and to ask questions. Sometimes, when I am acting as me (and not as a mediator), that training goes out the window; sometimes, it does not. Sometimes, I catch myself in time and reinforce a valuable lesson: never assume.

Poor Behavior 6: Giving Vague Instructions (3/05/12)
Vivian Scott
We’re halfway through our list of a Dozen Dirty Behaviors that cause problems at work with #6; giving vauge instructions. What do you think your boss means when she gives you an assignment and then adds, “When you get to it” as part of the instructions?

We Each Have Something Different to Offer (3/05/12)
Diane Cohen
It is no secret that there are many different approaches to mediation. In the world of mediators, we often classify them as facilitative, evaluative and transformative. Even these labels are unclear and possibly incomplete. Why do we have such vast differences in our approaches? I think one reason is that mediators are “called” to the practice of mediation for different reasons. So, some mediators want to help resolve disputes that are in the court system.

One Key Difference Between Mediation and Collaborative Law is Often Overlooked (2/28/12)
Michael A. Zeytoonian
As a mediator and a collaborative lawyer, I often get asked: “What is the difference between mediation and collaborative law (“CL”)?” It’s hard for parties in a dispute and other non-lawyers to see the differences; in fact lawyers have trouble articulating them.

Poor Behavior 5: Being Dismissive (2/28/12)
Vivian Scott
Don’t you find it frustrating when you have an idea that you’re dying to share and after getting out only a few words someone cuts you off or moves on to the next person? Yeah, me too; and that’s just one example of dismissive behavior in the workplace.

Emotion in Negotiation (2/28/12)
Nancy Hudgins
If you think I’m talking about your clients’ emotions, you’d be half right. It’s not just our clients’ emotions we have to deal with; it’s ours as well. Think back to your last several mediations. How many times were you personally frustrated and upset by a proposal from the other side?