The Courage to Listen in Conflicts
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Conflict Remedy Blog by Lorraine Segal
May 2012 |
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“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”—Winston Churchill
What does it take to sit down and listen to someone we disagree with, instead of dismissing them as the enemy or turning to violence?
First we must accept that they are full and imperfect human beings, just as we are, not cardboard characters in our own personal or professional drama.
Second, we must understand that good people can hold different beliefs and opinions. We may find their views wrong or event abhorrent, but must not equate that with believing they are themselves evil.
We must also understand that listening isn’t the same as agreeing. We can listen to the perspective, history, and motivations of others without abandoning our own beliefs. We can embrace their humanity and acknowledge what we have in common even when we disagree.
Instead of demonizing them as the enemy, we must find a way to open our hearts and spirits to a bigger reality holding multiple truths. This can be a frightening concept to those who find safety in holding fast to narrow certainties.
My work as a communication coach and mediator is always to offer support and gentle awareness that strengthens clients’ compassion for themselves and others. With willingness and practice, we can all find peaceful, creative ways to work through conflicts and honor our differences.
Lorraine Segal, M.A., has her own Sonoma County conflict & forgiveness coaching, mediation, and training business, Conflict Remedy, based in Santa Rosa, California. She also teaches in Sonoma State University’s Conflict Resolution certificate program and leads communication skills workshops and webinars on forgiveness, co-parenting skills, and communication. She specializes in transforming communication for divorced parents.
She has presented face to face or via teleseminar for ACR, ADRHub, Women’s Global Leadership Institute, local non profits and schools. Her coaching and mediation services are available by telephone as well as face to face. Her blog and more information about her and her services are available at www.ConflictRemedy.com
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